A few weeks ago, I was reading a comment thread in which a parent was complaining about a newsletter she’d gotten from her child’s school. The principal’s message included a lot of language like this:

“We’ve conducted cross-sector analyses to collaboratively promote the building of culturally responsive communities of interest that are inclusive of all stakeholders.”

Technically, the message was grammatically correct (if more than a little clunky), but it was, oh, so wrong. I have no doubt that the writer had seen this kind of language again and again, and they probably thought that this is how professional educators are supposed to write.

But what is a parent supposed to do with language like this?

Understand your audience

Every time you write, consider your audience. Specifically, ask yourself these three questions:

1. What does my audience know?
2. What doesn’t my audience know?
3. What do I want them to know?

If you’re writing for fellow professionals, they may know the same jargon you do. They may even expect to see it! But parents? Probably not.

As an editor, I help writers figure out what their readers know and don’t know so they can share their ideas more effectively.

Suggested edits

I’d tell this principal to simply tell parents:

“We’ve been getting out into the community to listen to what you have to say so that, together, we can make our school a more welcoming place for everyone.”

It conveys the same idea, but with the audience in mind.

If the audience were fellow professionals, I wouldn’t need to simplify so much, but I would want to keep in mind that they are busy folks, who might appreciate something more action-oriented:

“We’ve been surveying the community and analyzing their responses. Our next step is to find partners in the community to help us become more culturally responsive.”

And even though academics might be comfortable with the language in the original, a few tweaks could smooth it out:

“We conducted cross-sector analyses to learn what the community was interested in. This helped us collaborate with local stakeholders to build a more culturally responsive school.”

Audience matters. Getting your ideas out there does no good if your audience gets lost in your words.